Growing up I heard women talk about turning forty, and even thirty, in hushed tones. Should any of them admit to being past or approaching these ages, their eyes darted around like the DVD logo on the screen when put on pause, making them appear as if they were admitting to an infamous crime.
Throw in countless magazine covers screaming at my impressionable young mind, showing photos of women in this age bracket with less than perfect bodies, it worked its way into my brain that life was a downhill slope from thirty. My body would change and I would feel wild, young and free for all of my twenties.
Yet, it has been a major shock to discover this is not the case. Now the pandemic did me and many others dirty in robbing us of a few wild years of our twenties, but regardless of this, how I now feel at 27 is not what I had envisaged. And before any people over thirty or forty start putting hexes on me, I have the self-awareness to realise I will look back on my body as it is now and wistfully wish I could have it back. The irony is not lost on me.
But I cannot escape the fact that my late twenties is not entirely reflecting how I expected to feel or look, and there are certain things I wish people had told me so they wouldn’t come as such a shock and cause an entire existential crisis.
This summer as a friend and I browsed around H&M and almost felt too old to be in there, the conversation turned to our changing bodies. As we held up pairs of jeans and discussed how much our bodies had altered over the past couple of years it occurred to me that that’s something no one prepares you for when you hit your mid-late twenties.
I always thought my metabolism would slow down once I hit my thirties, but nope! My weight has fluctuated over the last two years but even when I’m at my fittest and healthiest, it sometimes feels like just a sniff of a Dominos pizza makes me gain two pounds. And while gaining weight isn’t the end of the world, yada yada, three or four years ago the diet of unhealthy shit I survived on wouldn’t have made me gain the weight it does now. There are days where I truly consider having a memorial service for my once flat stomach and sharp jawline.
Similarly, WHY does no one tell you that your hips will widen some more? I look back at photos of myself from 2019 where I was roughly the same weight that I am now but my hips are definitely wider. I obviously knew that girls hips widen as they enter the teen years seeing as the menstrual cycle begins and their body (creepy to even think about) readies itself for potential births. While wider hips are some nice added curves, they can be a pain in the ass when trying to get into your favourite trousers that once slid over that region of your body with a bit more ease. Now trying to fit my hips and ass into them feels akin to an Olympic sport that I haven’t put in the training for.
It’s as if once you hit your mid-late twenties your body decides to widen your hips just as an added reminder of your ticking body clock when it comes to reproduction. Tick-tock bitch, better start getting some use out of those child bearing hips before your womb becomes a shrivelled old prune. I don’t even want kids, so I would like a partial refund on this please.
Now I do not know if the next thing is because my generation had our stamina screwed over by the pandemic, but I simply cannot do nights out like I used to. When I was 23 I could be up at 5am to study, go to work and college, go on a night out and do it all again the next day with ease. Now? In the lead up to a night out, I have to plan for how much sleep I can get the night before, in order for me to stay out as long as possible. Once the night out is done, I need 1-2 business days to recover.
I AM 27. THIS IS NOT HOW IT IS SUPPOSED TO BE.
There are times where I honestly feel like a mid forties divorcee who speaks about her wild early twenties like they were a couple of decades ago, as opposed to the reality of three years.
And finally, you will discuss the clothing of those younger than you as if you’re a judgmental old lady. As the younger girlies walk by, I find myself staring enviously at their flat as a pancake stomach, proudly displayed by their low rise tracksuits and crop tops that in reality are more like bras. I wince when I see their bodysuits hiked up nice and high on their hip bones, and say a silent prayer for their almost guaranteed lacerated labias.
And then my friends and I utter those fateful words that make us sound like octogenarians…. “they must be freezing in that outfit, they’ll catch their death”.
And it is in that moment it hits you that you are no longer the young ones people tut at for what you’re wearing or the one carrying a teenagers body. It’s a bittersweet moment, a moment that reminds you that you’re growing up. No sooner are the judgmental words out of my mouth, I always think to myself that I hope they keep that confidence in their appearance forever because the older you get, the more your body changes and subtle (and not so subtle) messages from society tell you that this is not a good thing.
In a shocking turn of events, changes in your appearance don’t just happen when you wake up as a thirty or forty year old. They happen gradually and what might seem obvious but no one tells you, is that these changes start to become noticeable in your late twenties. And it’s important to note that these changes aren’t all necessarily bad things but when unprepared for them, they can serve as a nasty reminder that you’re getting older and sometimes you don’t want to be reminded of that especially when your life isn’t looking how you thought it would at this stage.
This isn’t to scare the living crap out of anyone approaching their late twenties, but they are things I wish I had been more prepared for. And while your late twenties are an increasingly confusing time, take some comfort from the knowledge that it is a time when you really do get to know yourself better and feel more sure of yourself.
And while we might lament the loss of our younger bodies, the added self-assuredness you feel in your late twenties is priceless and something to hold onto in the tough moments.