You know the way Nora Ephron felt bad about her neck? Well, I’m pissed off about my womb and everything that comes with it.
And I know we’re supposed to embrace it all, be proud of our womanly ways and acknowledge the divine feminine etc., etc.
but
I do not always feel like this when it comes to periods and birth control.
I certainly do not feel like it when I’m doubled up in pain and flowing like Niagara Falls. I do not feel like it when I can’t get comfortable due to the lower back pain that no one tells you about. I do not feel like it when PMS has me like an anti-Christ one minute and crying at a letter not fitting into an envelope correctly the next.
And right now? I’m annoyed at my womb for the pain in the ass it can be when it comes to all thing contraception.
My body hates the contraceptive pill. I know everyone could say that seeing as it’s something man-made you’re forcing on your body, but my body really does not like it.
I have tried a couple of pills, with one giving me a horrific traumatic experience and the other making me bleed even when it was not supposed to. My cycle was completely screwed up.
Having looked into it, it appears that my body is rejecting all forms of hormonal influence.
Right now, it’s not a huge deal as I’m on a prolonged sabbatical from all things men but if the time ever comes where I lose my last ounce of sanity and decide that being in a relationship seems like a good idea, what do I do for contraception?
I do not want to become pregnant, not now / not ever.
Do I put my body under further stress by trying out other pills and seeing how badly it reacts to their side effects? That does not seem enticing seeing as it’s taken the best part of a year for me to get my body back to normal.
There is no way in hell I’m going near the implant. There is no discussion on that one.
The copper coil perhaps? I know friends who have had it and find it a nicer alternative when their bodies have struggled on the pill. The fact that the copper one is non-hormonal certainly gives it an advantage against the other options.
But
There’s the whole issue of getting the coil in and out. Women are told they may experience some discomfort during the procedure and some paracetamol should do the trick.
Yet, the consensus seems to be that it can be an invasive and painful procedure that YOU GET NO PAIN RELIEF FOR. This is the part that gets me the most. I could cope with the procedure if you got some decent pain relief, but nope! As always, women’s health care falls spectacularly short.
So what does that leave?
Things like Natural Cycles? I think my nervous system would explode as I’d be in such a constant state of panic and worry.
Condoms would have me running to the pharmacy every time for the morning-after-pill as I would not trust them on their own. And in all honesty, that repetitive dash to the pharmacy is not only not realistic, but it would also bankrupt me in the long run.
Despite all the giving out us women do about it not being fair that the responsibility of contraception often solely falls on us, would I trust a man to take a contraceptive pill on the regular? My sexism might be showing here, but no. No, I would not.
So that leaves my final option : the nunnery.
I get that I’m in a privileged position to have contraceptive options laid out in front of me when so many women have none.
Not that long ago in Ireland, they had to fight to have access to such things.
And maybe I just have to pull on my big girl pants, and choose the option that will hopefully have the least traumatic effects on my body.
However, while at risk of sounding like a spoilt child, that just doesn’t feel very fair and I’m pissed off about it.
We’ve put a dog in outer space and AI seems to be creepily taking over the world, and yet we can’t come up with non-invasive options for women when it comes to contraception?
Yeah, I’m pissed off.